Last month something happened to me that rather shook me out of my little dream world. I was torn apart in a way I had never been before, yet it was something that needed to happen. No, I won’t go into specifics as to what it was. It was and is a very personal thing. But I will at least let you know about some of the effects.

Because the world I live in is not one of the most pleasant of places to be, I have a habit of withdrawing into a non-reality mind set. It lets me ignore the unpleasant tirades, the endless health issues, and the problems of my friends which I sometimes take on for myself. The event that happened crushed that world like it had been sucked into a black hole. I was sent spiraling into a terrible period of self doubt, depression, and crying spells. It was a true oh-woe-is-me pity party. Even my cats and dog were staying away from me.

Yes, I lost something I “thought” I had. Something that I wanted so incredibly bad I could taste it. But, it wasn’t real. In the blink of an eye, it was gone like a puff of smoke. But I found something too. I found in myself a wonderful quality.

Forgiveness.

True, to the core, absolute, forgiveness.

Stupid girl, you say. We all have that. Do you? I mean, do you really, really have it? Now think about it. Sit back; think about all the things you are holding a grudge on. But you see I never knew I could truly forgive. I had never forgiven my Father for the things he did to my Mother causing all kinds of problems for her and for me as I grew up. I hated the man with a passion; a real passion. But not anymore. Last time I visited him I could look at him the same way that three year old me could. To look at him and see the man who picked me up a hundred times, cuddling me to him lovingly. He loved me. He really loved me, but all these years I couldn’t see that because I wouldn’t forgive him.

There are other people to that I now see the wonderful things about them I couldn’t before; all because I wouldn’t forgive them. And a lot of the time, it was for stupid things, or for reasons I couldn’t even remember.

Well, that is my little tale. I know some of you will find it rather dumb and a waste of your time for even reading it. But I hope someone got something out of it; because it is a shame to go through your life holding grudges against people who may truly need you, or you them.

Like a Father who was waiting to see that look of love in his little girls eyes. Just one more time at least.